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 Laugh of the day

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Bekah
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PostSubject: Laugh of the day   Tue Jul 02, 2013 6:11 pm

Just downloaded a new version of Monopoly (my all time favourite game) called "Here and Now" and the tokens are things like a hybrid car or a cell phone. So anyway, I am playing and I am offered a deal, one property for a lot of money. Quite a sweet deal, but it does mean the other player (the French Fries Razz and also my bf) will be able to build houses. Now I know that will not be good for me in the long run so I say; "sorry, I know I'm being a total bitch here, but no deal." The answer I get to that? "Of course you are a bitch, you're the labradoodle!"

Not much I can say to that really lol!

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Tue Jul 02, 2013 9:36 pm

lol good one Razz

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Trinity
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Wed Jul 03, 2013 12:43 am

nice lol!!

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Sat Jul 20, 2013 10:14 pm

My random lol for the day goes thusly:

Mum rings up saying she can't access her email.  I remind her that she changed her password and that she was told to write it down.  Problem solved, normal life resumes.

Mum rings again, what's wrong with her computer? My smart alec reply, I dunno, what's wrong with it?  Bad move on my part because 45 mins later I am scratching "tech support" off my list of potential jobs should I decide on a career change.  I ask her to click on the start button (yes, I know it isn't technically a start button any more, but I am talking about my mother here ...)

"Its not there any more"

Really?  That's not good.

No problem, time for the lol:

5 week old kitten jumps on mum's lap, then plays with the keyboard.  Guess what?  5 week old kitten finds the start button!

Next time mum wants tech support, I'm going to ask to speak to the kitten!


(I really am starting to think that I can make a regular feature of lol's that happen to me Razz)

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Sun Jul 21, 2013 6:14 am

That kitten is a genius! Razz 
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:41 pm

That's great lol!

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Tue Jul 23, 2013 11:01 pm

I'm on a roll with my random lol's!

So, today was going to the doctor day to hopefully find out why I have been so damned tired lately.  Bearing in mind, this is the heart of British summertime, I slosh to the doctor under grey skies and the kind of rain that soaks right through anything you are wearing.  Get in to see the doctor and it all looks good, kidneys fine, liver slightly elevated, but considering my history, actually pretty good, thyroid fine ... and so on.

Turns out I am highly deficient in vitamin D.  I get a prescription for some supplements and a suggestion:  "go out and get some sunshine."

-.-

I guess that means no trip to Majorca on prescription?  So my mission should I choose to accept it is to find some sunshine.  There's none where I live, so anyone willing to send me some in a bottle?

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Tue Jul 23, 2013 11:27 pm

It's been one thunderstorm after another here lately :/ but...it did lighten up yesterday and got to see the most beautiful rainbow through the sunshine. *bottles up rainbows and sunshine for Bekah* huggsss Smile




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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Wed Jul 24, 2013 12:48 am

Sure hun, come pay a visit. On the news this morning I think they were saying something like 26th consecutive day of the accursed stuff. Just hope you dont mind the heat...
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Wed Jul 24, 2013 11:17 am

Bekah youre mad. It's been sunny for the past two weeks Razz It's only got bad in the last few days.
(Britain, right? I heard it's the same over there as it has been here)

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Sat Sep 07, 2013 3:59 am

Number on the list of strange Googles?  This little gem:

"Are ransoms paid to pirates tax deductible?"

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable question to me Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Sat Sep 07, 2013 8:28 am

Two things for me!
Today was election day in Australia. My friend had the job of counting votes, and apparently he had 6 people vote for the Pirate Party (which is an actual party here!) in his electorate Very Happy

Secondly, apparently I am a restless sleeper. Chris told me this morning when I woke up, that in my sleep I got up abruptly, looked at him, screamed, and then said "Oh my god, you scared me!" he humoured my sleeping self and asked "What, why?" And I've told him, "your... paint...." and snoozed right back off!
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Sat Sep 07, 2013 11:48 am

Wink Not just in Australia, the Pirate Party has branches all over the globe. I'm friends with several members of the branch in Massachusetts. Their big issue globally: Electronic privacy, internet civil liberties, and abuse of copyright to suppress information. Several also brew really good beers Laughing 
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Sat Sep 07, 2013 8:05 pm

Pirate Party has quite a few seats in the council of Berlin/Germany. Most people probably voted for them cuz they are fed up with the well established parties Wink Their delegates suck though.
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Mon Sep 09, 2013 9:34 am

Arrrr they any good?

Lol...look...I made a funny~!
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Fri Sep 20, 2013 12:40 pm

A friend sent this to me a while back (not HER experience, thankfully) and it still makes me grin:

Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together..., I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But Deadly” for you prudes).

It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. That’s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good.

He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. I’m not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn’t want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.

We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn’t allowed myself to eat in years. I didn’t want to be “that girl” so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?

That’s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways – uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn’t feeling well and probably needed to head home.

On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn’t having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized …

My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big trouble.

HOW DO YOU TELL A MAN YOU JUST STARTED DATING, THAT THE REASON YOU ARE WRITHING IN PAIN IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FART.

The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard.

“Seriously, you need to hurry – I’m in a lot of pain.” I managed to say through gritted teeth.

“Wow, it’s that bad? What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?”

How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is because you have to fart?

Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.

People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced its way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I’m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific, fart cloud. Not in a, “am I smelling something?” sort of way. More like a “is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?” sort of way.

Suddenly, I panicked. “Roll down the windows!” I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).

“What? Why?” Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.

“I can’t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!”

“What’s going on?” Rob yells back to me, “Why are you …” then it hit him. I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he screamed.

“Roll down the windows!” As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.

It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.

Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows. We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.

We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way.

He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, “Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!” and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.

I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.

Then I heard it. Rob’s voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.

“Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?”

“Get away from the door!” I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.

“Ok, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*

“I’m fine, Rob – just leave the shoes there. I’ll call you later okay?”

“Okay, are you sure you’re …”

“I’m fine! Get away from the door!”

This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin’ hint!

Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last I’d hear from him. I didn’t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours.

But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we’re married and he’s lying on the couch while I type this … “It was your rack that saved you,” he just lovingly reminded me.
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Mon Sep 23, 2013 1:03 pm

That was great Morgan! lol! Very Happy

Ok, my laugh of the day...

Puppy (she's grown quite considerably) has been constantly bringing me a toy/ball to throw ALL DAY (everyday), and been tossing them down the hall, through the kitchen, off the deck etc, well this last time was in another room, she pawed at me, barked and so I finally gave in again for the 100th time, threw it out the doorway in hopes I'd be able to shut said door behind her just so I could gather up the laundry..."BAM!"

Alrighty, I take a look see...and from the looks of it, then realized, she must have launched herself and hit the wall LOL...omg I about died. Yes, there's a dent in the wall, Yes, she was shaking her head and sneezing, and Yes, she's fine! Will have to watch that now if she grows anymore, might just make it through the drywall next time hahaha!

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Sat Sep 28, 2013 2:51 pm

Got a great Laugh of the Day! I was in the kitchen discussing something with bf while I was cooking. He was trying to make a point and then realised that I was right and he was wrong. Good for him, he admitted as much. What I said next floored us both. Without thinking I just blurted out, "see, don't argue with me when I'm right!"


Nuff said right?

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Fri Oct 04, 2013 3:01 pm

At work, a while ago, I came up behind this girl, and without meaning to, managed to scare the crap out of her. She jumped a good foot out of her chair. I apologized for it, but she followed me as I went back to work. "That wasn't very nice you know! I know you apologized, but what if I'd started having some kind of a.... I don't know... Vietnam flashback!" (Keep in mind, this girl can't be any older than early to mid 20's.) I raised my eyebrow at her, and she just nodded stubbornly. "I could have thought you were a Nazi or something, and tried to attack!"

I had to laugh, I couldn't help it. She had such a serious look on her face, claiming Nazis were in the Vietnam War. When asking about it, she got a little wide-eyed as she realized what she said, before grinning and nodding. "Yup! They were! They were a secret weapon, didn't you know?" That she kept running with it afterward, was admirable, even if she realized otherwise.

It's become something of a joke between us since, as I seem to constantly scare her without meaning to. Apparently, I'm too quiet, and she attributes it to my 'Nazi jungle stealth' abilities.
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Sat Oct 05, 2013 8:26 am

nazi jungle stealth Laughing

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Sat Oct 05, 2013 9:58 am

Exactly Bekah LOL!

Robin...Laughing 

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Mon Nov 18, 2013 4:11 pm

So I bought a new pair of jeans over the weekend and decided to wear them to work today (we have a VERY laid back dress code, obviously). I had just walked across the lobby to make a copy of a receipt for my coworker and he comments, "Those jeans are Miss Me's, huh? My wife has a few pairs of them."

I didn't think much of it, just nodded (because he was right) and we chatted a bit more while I made the copy he needed. Gave him the copy and headed toward my office and then it hit me. He knew what brand my jeans were because there is an M on the back pocket. Which meant...

I stopped, turned and marched down the hallway which he was coming back up, put my arm around his shoulders and said, "You are totally busted. You knew what I was wearing because you were looking at my ass and noticed the M." He just grinned, not bothering to deny it. We thumped each other on the back, laughed and went about our work.
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Mon Nov 18, 2013 4:30 pm

Brilliant lol Morgan!  

My lol for today is at the expense of my aged aunt (bless her).  Last week I had to have a general anaesthetic and they wouldn't do it unless I had a responsible adult with me.  So my mum was supposed to come down and look after me.  Unfortunately her dog got sick (nice to know where I am in the pecking order, somewhere above the budgie and below the dog, somewhat on a par with the cat...) so my aunt kindly stepped in and offered to help out.  Everything went well and an hour after the anaesthetic we were back at my place and I was fine (I seem to get over these things rather well, must be lucky that way).  Anyway, the day before I had pre cooked a vegetarian cottage pie (my aunt is the veggie, not me) and made sure that everything was easy for her so she wouldn't have to worry.  One of the things she had in the fridge was a bottle of flavoured water, so when she asks me if she can have a drink of water, I suggest to her that she have this.  "What a good idea" she exclaims and toddles off to fetch the bottle.  She wanders back into the lounge, sans bottle, so I ask her if she had changed her mind.  "I can't find your fridge" is her answer.  "What, the big white thing in the kitchen?" I ask giggling.  (My fridge is not enormous, but its taller and wider than me, so rather hard to miss.  Maybe the fridge magnets splattered all over it camouflaged it?)  Concerned that my fridge might have taken it upon itself to go for a walk somewhere, I escort my aunt back into the kitchen to find how she could have missed the big white object within it.  She marches straight over to my dishwasher and starts trying to open the door.  "See?  I can't get it work."  "Turn around," I say, "and look at the object behind you, that is my fridge!"  She dutifully turns around and jumps back as though it has bitten her.  "Oh!  Now I see it!"

Cue laughter ...

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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Mon Nov 18, 2013 4:57 pm

Oh dear...
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PostSubject: Re: Laugh of the day   Tue Nov 19, 2013 3:30 am

Maybe she thought that because the rest of our technology was shrinking, that the 'mini-fridge' had some kind of mary-poppins-bag type thing going on.
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