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 5 really stupid conspiracy theories

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Achilles_
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PostSubject: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Mon Jan 17, 2011 10:10 pm

Came across this blog entry and thought I would share it (actually, I think it should be published somewhere).
Warning : If you have ridiculously stupid ideas, this may challenge them Razz

5 Pathetic Groups That People Think Rule the World


5 ==> The Trilateral Commission and the Bilderberg Conference
"We know you are ruthless. We know you are evil. We respect your dark power."

-Radio talk show host Alex Jones, shouting into a bullhorn outside a Bilderberg meeting.

Who Are They?

You'll hear both of these come up during any hour of conspiracy talk radio. These are two separate, private groups of powerful men (some of them probably Jews!) who like to meet and talk about the state of the world, kind of like how guys will gather at the bar and talk about what the Yankees should do with their pitching rotation.

The Trilateral Commission is a club consisting of a few hundred rich guys from around the world, started by David Rockefeller in the early 70s in order to "foster closer relations" between America, Europe and Japan. And to bone hot ladies from distant lands. Probably.

The Bilderberg Conference or "Bilderbergers" are a different group of influential guys from America and Europe who meet once a year in fancy hotels, and they've been doing it since 1954. There are a little more than 100 members and prominent politicians are known to have shown up at their meetings. By the way, they're called "Bilderbergers" because "Bilderberg" was the name of the first hotel where they met. So a small change in plans could have led them to being called the Best Westerners.

Who Thinks They Control the World?

Former Presidential candidate Barry Goldwater believed the Trilateral Commission was planning something nefarious, and so does the John Birch Society. There have been books written on the subject, as well as articles in several magazines, including U.S. News and World Report and Penthouse, where paragraph after paragraph on this dark organization rubbed up against some huge, fake titties.

Meanwhile, Daniel Estulin's book on the Bilderberg group is currently number one on Amazon's bestselling conspiracy theory book list.


Why People Believe It:

The Trilateral Commission first appeared on the conspiracy community's radar in 1976, when freshly elected Trilateralist Jimmy Carter filled his cabinet with 26 other members of the organization. Since then, every single administration has had Trilateralists in some of its highest positions.

The Bilderbergers are more secretive about their meetings, so in their case the paranoid are simply filling in the information void. If they won't tell us why they're meeting, they must be orchestrating a worldwide takeover, right?

Why it's Retarded:

The underlying claim behind both is that these groups of wealthy men have been working to create the infamous One-World Government that you'll see pop up in most of these conspiracy theories. They want a totalitarian regime that will enslave all of mankind, all at once.

Of course these guys have had decades to establish their plan, but instead they apparently opted for plan B, One-World Clusterfuck. Europe hates America; the Middle East is more fucked than a German whore on coupon day; all China cares about is exporting delicious lead paint; and North Korea is still run by that crazy fucker with the big granny glasses. It's almost as if the result of their "one-world government" conspiracy looks exactly like the random chaos of geopolitical events we've seen for the last few thousand years.


Don't get us wrong; we suspect both of these groups would like to rule the world (so would we, in fact). But in the grand scheme of political and economic power worldwide, a few hundred important guys basically amount to a fart at a Motorhead concert. It's too much to assume that even within the groups that there is agreement about what the Master Plan should look like, since they're made up of people from different countries, political parties and competing corporations.

But what conspiracy buffs are doing is taking any world event and retroactively declaring it to all be part of the Secret Plan. Economy booming? Of course, that's part of the secret plan to make the corporations control all wealth. Economy collapsing? Of course, that's part of the secret plan to destroy capitalism.

If it rains, it's because the Trilateralists want a flood. If it doesn't, it's because they want drought. And both are held up as proof after the fact, so as far as they're concerned, they've got proof out the ass.


4 ==> The United Nations

"The antichrist will do these ten things when he comes to power. One, he will bring a one-world government. He's doing that now, at the United Nations."

-John Hagee

Who Are They?

The heads of all the major nations of the world gather to write resolutions demanding one thing or other, that are promptly ignored.

Who Thinks They Control the World?
Ah, here's our second reference to a "one-world government."

Welcome to the fucktarded world of Apocalyptic Christianity. There is a whole layer of society that wakes up every morning and thinks, "I bet God's going to end the world today!" Then they read the newspaper and interpret absolutely every headline, from "Earthquake in Iran" to "Hugh Jackman to Host Oscars" as evidence the prophecy is coming true.

The madly successful Left Behind book series depict a post-apocalyptic "end times" world that millions of Americans fully believe is coming within their lifetime and in those books, the Antichrist is, you guessed it, the Secretary-General of the United Nations.


Why People Believe It:

Well, if your religion teaches that a one-world government will spell doom for mankind (a subject that the Bible actually mentions not at all) well, hell, here's a place where all of the leaders of the world gather to talk about stuff! That's practically a one-world government right there!

After all, the U.N. stops countries from going to war, sucks up money from powerful nations and controls massive amounts of our precious wealth in the form of the International Monetary Fund!

Why It's Retarded:

Actually, it does none of that.


It tries to, yes, but it fails miserably. The U.N. voted against the war in Iraq, but the U.S. went ahead and did it anyway. The U.N. tried to get countries to interfere in Darfur. They didn't. And with the I.M.F.'s budget cuts, it's not hard to see how it hasn't shattered the hinges off of every vault in Switzerland with all its wealth. Honestly, if an organization couldn't even force the tiny republic of Mauritania to make slavery illegal until 2007, it's not in control of the world.

3 ==> The Council on Foreign Relations

"The Bushes and Clintons, The Neo-Cons, Republicans, Democrats, Communist and the Socialist all sit at the same Round Table. The Council of Foreign Relations. Another term for treason!"

-YouTube video.

Who Are They?

After World War I, a group of about 150 scholars were hired to advise the president about how to navigate a chaotic, post-war world. They never stopped doing that, and for about 90 years they've worked as a private "think tank" that "advises" the government on foreign policy. And steals babies.

Who Thinks They Control the World?

Historian Carroll Quigley's 1,350-page, unfootnoted 1966 brain fart, Tragedy & Hope, mentioned the little-known think tank, saying it would do anything to further its agenda of globalization. Conspiracy nuts took that ball and ran with it, and now there are bestselling books and endless YouTube videos blowing the lid off their horrifying plans for mankind.


Why People Believe It:

There's no question, the CFR is a very influential group. The Council was singlehandedly responsible for Nixon's diplomatic relations with Communist China, as they were the ones who pressed the idea that reaching out to China wouldn't be political suicide.

Toss in secrecy clauses, the slew of members in high-ranking political posts and it's only a matter of time before we get a group photo of the whole council on holiday in Hell itself.

Why It's Retarded:


The Council on Foreign Relations is basically the idiot at work who blurts out every retarded idea that goes through his head, even though 95 percent of his suggestions get shot down for being completely fucking stupid and the other five percent the company was probably going to do anyway.

In the late 1950s, the Council tried to convince Congress to work with the Communist North Vietnamese to prevent the Vietnam war, and Congress told them to suck it. The Council has been advocating everything from nuclear non-proliferation to merging the U.S., Canada and Mexico to ending the war on terror.

Notice how the U.S. Government has done none of those things. That's the thing, they are influential in that Washington pays attention to them, but nothing makes any of the CFR's demands binding. The government can take the advice or leave it and it mostly does the latter.

It turns out it's kind of hard to secretly run the world via a series of wordy suggestions.


2 ===> The Illuminati and/or Freemasons

"Is the Illuminati real? The answer is yes. Is AIDS man-made? I think you can guess."

-This informative rap video

Who Are They?

We've arrived at basically the master conspiracy theory that overrides them all. The Illuminati is an ill-defined group of, well, every single prominent person in the world, from Barack Obama to Tony Hawk.


What does this have to do with Freemasons? After all, isn't that just like a Rotary Club made up of old people who do charity stuff? Well, yes, but lots and lots of prominent people have been members, including most of the Founding Fathers. And, again, they meet in secret. So who knows what depravity goes on in their dark chambers?


These days the mythology behind both groups overlaps to the point that they are often referred to as being one and the same. That's why when conspiracy types talk about that one-eyed pyramid on the dollar bill, some will refer to it as a secret Freemason symbol and others as a secret Illuminati symbol, depending on which they think sounds more ominous.

Who Thinks They Control the World?

This is kind of the umbrella that all the above theories fell under. The CFR, Bildebergers, all are ultimately just tools of the Illuminati. Go to any sites spouting theories about the above and search for the word "Illuminati." You'll usually find it in there somewhere.

Why People Believe It:

The historical Illuminati (yes, there was an actual organization called that) was an 18th Century group of Bavarian humanists and free thinkers, basically the 18th Century's version of pothead college professors. In 1777, they were banned for totally being too real, man, after which nobody really knows what happened.


The modern-day fascination with the Illuminati is mainly due to a trilogy of books by pair of Playboy Editors called Illuminatus and then Mr. Dan "Da Vinci Code" Brown started casting them as the villains in his novels.

As for the Freemasons, well, 14 American presidents were said to have been Freemasons, and there are claims that signs of the Freemasons were "left" across Washington D.C.


Why It's Retarded:

First, all of those books we mentioned above, including Illuminatus, are fiction.

But more importantly, this seems to be the ultimate product of the paranoid mind, in that depending on who you talk to, the Illuminati includes everyone. Not just governments and corporations, but also Hollywood.

So every single ideological difference you think there is between political parties, competing companies and even the makers of your favorite TV shows, is fake. In reality, they all meet behind the scenes, with perfect secrecy, with perfect cooperation, to control everything. They're having round-table meetings in the penthouses of five-star hotels where they decide that America needs a terrorist attack this year while using their sinister connections to implant secret messages into Hannah Montana songs.


The interesting thing here is that cumulatively, they're talking about groups--politicians, bankers, big media--that do control the world. But they control it in the sense that a group of squirrels can "control" how that meatloaf they found the trash gets eaten. It'll get eaten, all right, but the organization is what's lacking.

And yet, this is still not the most retarded conspiracy theory out there...


1 ===> Lizard People (lol:P)

"SINCE I BEGAN TALKING ABOUT THE REPTILIAN CONNECTION, THE OPPOSITION HAS BEEN INCREASED SUBSTANTIALLY. WHY? IF I AND THE ENDLESS PEOPLE ANCIENT AND MODERN WHO HAVE SEEN THE SHAPE-SHIFTERS ARE SO MISGUIDED, WHY HAS THE OPPOSITION INCREASED SO MUCH SINCE THE BIGGEST SECRET WAS PUBLISHED AND NOT THE OPPOSITE?"

-David Icke

Who Are They?

People. Who are lizards.

You can't tell, though, because they're also shape-shifters.

Who Thinks They Control the World?

Meet David Icke. He is a fucking loon.


A former football player and sports announcer, David Icke became shithouse rat insane in 1994. For most of that decade he was lost in the crowd, talking about a group of "Global Elite" secretly controlling the world (by which he usually meant "the Jews"). Then one day in 1999, he published a book that revealed the greatest secret in human history: We're all secretly being controlled by alien lizards from the constellation Draco.

In case his word isn't enough, Icke offers up a convoluted theory about how the elite families in America and Europe interbreed not because of snobbery, but so they can preserve their alien lizard DNA. The British royal family, the Bushes, the Kennedys, the Rothschilds and the Rockefellers are all part of this alien collective. Never mind the fact that Joe Kennedy, Sr. was just some middle-class Irish guy before he built himself up via stock market scams and, possibly, bootlegging. And we don't know how he's going to integrate the horribly impoverished Kenyan Obama bloodline into that theory. Probably some drunken lizard uncle who went slumming for a spell.


Oh, and did we mention that lots of people agree with him?

Icke spends most of his time writing and traveling across the world giving crazy talks that draw surprisingly large crowds. Especially in Canada. We like to think that most of his "followers" just love him ironically, like Ed Wood fans, but unfortunately there's no way to tell.


Why People Believe It:

Icke basically took the concept of the Illuminati in his hand and fisted it deep into the bowels of crazy land. The element of V-style shape-shifting aliens adds a cool layer of sci-fi to the whole thing that's hard to resist.

These days, fans of the theory have dug up thousands of photos that claim to have caught world leaders dropping their disguise, from photos of George Bush, Sr. with reptilian slit pupils:


Why It's Retarded:

Because it's too awesome to be true, damnit.


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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Mon Jan 17, 2011 10:23 pm

lol!
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Mon Jan 17, 2011 10:24 pm

One thing for sure though, I'll be on the look out for these fucking lizard people Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:19 pm

"Because it's too awesome to be true, damnit."

Love It!
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Tue Jan 18, 2011 2:15 pm

OMG

I have a neighbor that believes all all that fucked up shit


He gave Rand and I a newsletter after dizzy was born about the lizard people and how we should watch out cuz she was blond and blue eyed o.O

Right now, I think the main conspiracy is all above groups are planning a world wide food shortage to take over the world.... wheat prices are going to sky rocket and they are going to make flour worth more then gold !!!

To which I came back with, well why did superstore have flour on for $4.95 then ?


he doesn't like me much Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Tue Jan 18, 2011 5:47 pm

some of what the original blogger wrote made sense, some of it he actually made me think more that the group he was talking about wants to take over the world. a part he didnt know what he was talking about. the lizard people made me laugh to hard.
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Wed Nov 02, 2011 10:33 am

Good article.Conspiracy theories are good to read when one wants to escape from reality but they are not to be believed.How come such powerful groups let us know so much about them?This is the weak point of most theories
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:12 am

I just found this thread.

Back in the seventies, when I was a drama student in Birmingham (UK), I was also training to be a sound engineer, and I used to work part-time on the sound desk at BRMB radio, which was a reasonably big deal in the local area. About a million listeners, and fairly highly regarded. Saturday afternoon was my shift, which I loved because the sports guy, Tony Butler, was one of the early breed of shock jocks who spoke his mind, and upset everyone in sight. He was forced by contract to play music, and in protest never introduced it, or gave band info, track title or anything. He took phone-ins, and ripped on the callers in a very advenced way. Really, it was too much fun for words. I mention this, because the one of the roving reporters (we had six home teams) was David Icke.

Frankly, he seemed a normal journo type, ex footballer, heavy drinker in the pub after the show, bit of a ram for the ladies, on reflection a bit hyper, I suppose, not the sort of person who made friends easily. Not rue friends, anyway. I was very surprised indeed to see what happened to him later. There was not a hint of any wierdness when I knew him.

One thing which did seem likely, though... he was always stupidly ambitious. After he left BRMB, he moved to the BBC, and eventually to an on-screen anchor position. He was always ver keen on his public image, which leads me to the conclusion that this has been a monstrous publicity stunt. Who knows? He is certainly making good money doing it, and it had brought him worldwide attention.

Whatever, its all crap. He is just a bloke. Stone bonkers do not manage their careers that well.

Just thought i would share.

Now, the death of Princess Diana... that is another story...
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Thu Nov 03, 2011 12:49 pm

Small world sometimes huh... =P

Each time I read one of your story time posts I wonder what you do in real life.. o.O
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Sat Nov 05, 2011 8:59 am

Well, I used to be an actor, working mostly on stage, and TV. During this time I filled in working all kinds of jobs, sometimes a techie, sometimes barman, waiter, type things, sometimes security. I have also taught in drama schools and have worked as a teacher in universities and big companies such as the RSC. since the birth of my children, I have mostly worked as a writer, for a long time as a magazine columnist, and ghosting crappy romances, but recently I have been taken on as a contract writer for the BBC, and I also have a small but significant contract with miramax in the states.

I have been a gamer all my life, and drifted into computer gaming and online gaming as a matter of course.

I also work for the Royal mail as a van driver, because it kept my head above water for a while when I couldn't work elsewhere, and because i really enjoy driving vans and meeting people. genuinely. I keep my working life very compartmentalised. I write under several pseudonyms, and always acted under a stage name. I can't stand the idea of fame, and avoid the media like the plague. All i ask from life is that I enjoy what I am doing, and as soon as something stops being fun, I stop doing it.

Just at present, i am driving vans. I go back to working on a TV soap opera in January, and the first film I have worked on as a writer is due for release in early 2013.

I value my online friends very highly, and I try not to namedrop if i can, but I have tempted an oscar winning actress to contribute to RK on one occasion, which I found hilarious.

I reckon i have life sussed, but i truly wish i could spend more time playing games, and less doing things that bore me. Still, I call myself a happy man.
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:44 pm

That's very interesting, I didn't expect you to answer but thanks for satisfying my curiosity. Ghosting crappy romances.. lulz.. Awesome that you'll have a film released soon. Is it a crappy romance one? Razz

Can I ask how you started on that path? Sometime, in the future, when my mind doesn't work against me I'd like to write books... or one to start with hehe. Any advice you could offer?
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:57 pm

Dunno, really, I kind of drifted into it. I was with a theatre company back inthe eighties, and to save a long story, we needed to start producing original plays. I was the only one there who could string a sentence together, so I got the job. It turned out to be more interesting than acting, and in the end, more rewarding. I had thirteen plays produced, and two published.

Advice? magazines take short stories. Romances sell well. Get a literary agent, and go for it. You need to know what you WANT to write, and work up to it by writing what sells, I guess. In the UK there is a publication called "The Writer's Handbook", which is updated anually. I assume the USA has an equivalent. it's full of addresses and useful advice. Get it, and read it. Persist.

It is a long held opinion of mine that most people who write in RK could get work published somewhere. In fact, the public writing aspect of RK is the best reason to keep playing the game, if it is something to which you aspire. The rest of it is crap, but working with other writers regularly keeps you fresh and inventive, and is a VERY good thing. Good luck to you, and if I can give anyone here a leg up, then of course I will.

The film is an american adaptation of my first TV play. I got a "based on" credit, and a partial script editing nod, but the screenplay is being written by someone else. Hollywood screenplays are a skill apart, which I have no intention of getting into. My contract with Miramax is first refusal on film rights of future work. Stupid advance, though. really, I was almost too embarrassed to cash the cheque. Almost. I worked a lot of years for little reward, though, so my guilt was short lived, and it will put all of my children through university very comfortably. God Bless the USA, I say.
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:24 am

Not wanting to interrupt, but... yeah, I'm gonna interrupt Razz

In the US, it's the Writer's Market that you're talking about. Where to submit, what format they want (information on the various variations on "standard" manuscript formats), the typical word length of submissions they accept, ect. It's a good resource for that information. It makes it a little less daunting when you're sending out work; you don't want a story to go straight to the slush pile because some editor was in a bad mood and you used Times New Roman instead of Courier font (or vice-versa).

Awesome about all the work you've done, Boris, that's really outstanding. I'm hoping I'll get this novel I'm working on published eventually. If RK has done nothing else, it's given me opportunity to keep practicing. And Telcara, I'd say just *finishing* something is 3/4ths of the battle. So don't let those little nay-saying voices keep you from filling the page and finishing something. You can always pretty it up later Very Happy





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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Sun Nov 06, 2011 2:50 pm

I got lots of Nay-saying voices in my head Razz

My main problem is probably that I I suffer from huge lack of motivation due to depression crap. But I think I said writing was something I hope to be able to do in the future. I've always loved fantasy, and its weird to tell people but I have a complete fantasy world in my head where I go to sometimes. High fantasy, lots of magic and of course dragons, tensions and wars between different areas and races, though not the classical elves and dwarves =p. Does anyone else have something like that in their head? I've had it for more than 10 years.

When I was 8-10, something like that, I used to pretend I was a character from that world and I went on quests with my minion - my cat Pelle. He was awesome, he'd come when I whistled a special tune which he could hear over a far area. I had a staff, a straight branch taller than me decorated with feathers which came in handy as I was climbing hills and mountains nearby my house. Nowadays I just stick to the daydreaming part Smile
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Sun Nov 06, 2011 5:45 pm

I always have stories in my head. I never knew it while I was trying to live the "conventional life" that everyone is supposed find rewarding, but I have always gone back into the world inside my head as a way of dealing with the fact that "real" life wasn't working for me. Thanks to RK, I have learned (albeit slowly) to write creatively. Now (thanks to nanowrimo) I am putting to paper a story I created in my head while I was still in school. It is a very liberating and empowering thing to do. I think that although we live in a very visual world, we mustn't lose sight of the creativity that can be found within the written word. It is strange, but I don't even care if my story is good, it is the act of writing it that is the important thing for me.

Telcara, I don't think you are the only person with worlds inside your head, I think there are lots of us out there. In my humble opinion, often depression comes from not being able to express those worlds, from trying too hard to fit in to what is deemed to be "normal". I think it is better to just be yourself and do your own thing, so what if it isn't what everyone else does? I dunno about you, but I am glad I am not a sheeple Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Sun Nov 06, 2011 6:24 pm

.


Last edited by _Melissa. on Mon Nov 07, 2011 3:47 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: 5 really stupid conspiracy theories    Mon Nov 07, 2011 2:29 pm

Bekah wrote:
I always have stories in my head. I never knew it while I was trying to live the "conventional life" that everyone is supposed find rewarding, but I have always gone back into the world inside my head as a way of dealing with the fact that "real" life wasn't working for me. Thanks to RK, I have learned (albeit slowly) to write creatively. Now (thanks to nanowrimo) I am putting to paper a story I created in my head while I was still in school. It is a very liberating and empowering thing to do. I think that although we live in a very visual world, we mustn't lose sight of the creativity that can be found within the written word. It is strange, but I don't even care if my story is good, it is the act of writing it that is the important thing for me.

Telcara, I don't think you are the only person with worlds inside your head, I think there are lots of us out there. In my humble opinion, often depression comes from not being able to express those worlds, from trying too hard to fit in to what is deemed to be "normal". I think it is better to just be yourself and do your own thing, so what if it isn't what everyone else does? I dunno about you, but I am glad I am not a sheeple Very Happy

Ah, thanks, it leaves me a bit less worried that I'm crazy in the wrong way Razz
Its taken me all the years through school to come to the conclusion that FUCK THIS I don't care what people think about me. "Only dead fish go with the flow", I never tried being like everyone else but I did my best to hide my 'weirdness'. After I stopped giving a damn about it all, I did feel better. I found people who didn't mind that part of me, who actually found it fascinating and respected me for having that willpower. For example, if I wake up in a shitty mood and I haven't showered in 2 days, what's an extra 3rd going to matter (I don't tend to stink, but hair looks greasy). Cause truth be told, people are so occupied thinking about themselves and their day that they don't really pay attention to if your hair looks a bit greasy for 1 day. But 'we' ourselves can get totally obsessed and fixated by it, thinking that everyone will know and stare at our hair. Pfft. People are egoists in nature.

I find it very interesting that you don't care if your story is good. I think I need to try and do the same approach to my writing. I have sometimes fretted about what language I write in - being more fluent in swedish than english. But if I would manage to write something, I would want people to be able to read it. After moving to the UK, I finally gave up on that inner 'battle' and came to the conlusion that if I live in an english speaking country I might as well write in english. I might not always be able to fully express what I want in words but the english language does offer more variation than swedish. Hmm yes, thanks. I think I will have a bit easier to overcome the obstacle of step 1: start writing Smile
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