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 How's life treating ya?

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Zakku
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PostSubject: How's life treating ya?   Wed Oct 05, 2011 1:49 am

So I was thinking today " I know thinking is so passe' but I do it anyway" and I was just curious about how everyone thinks their life is going? Its 2011, more then a decade into the new Millennium, are things looking like you wanted them to? Are you the person that you want to be, have to gotten around to those things you told yourself you would do when you were younger?

Personally my life is almost nothing like what I thought it would be when I was 13 or 16 what ever. I feel fairly confident that I have turned out to be the kind of man I wanted myself to become when I was a kid, or at least on the right path. I thought by now I would have my degree and be doing what ever the hell it is that I wanted to do. I was on my way on that until the crash and I was forced to drop out of college to make sure my family didnt lose their house " which they lost anyway as time would tell but oh well" During that time my savings were wiped out as I started adding more and more cash to stave off the repo man from my families possessions. Cut to 2009 and I'm now living on my own with Mage in California doing work as a Tilesetter and making good dough till the jobs dry out due to the dipping recession and end up being out of work for almost 9 months * bye bye savings a second time* Right now I have a tenuous hold on a management job that I suspect wont last too much longer and I spend my nights tending my garden, brewing my beer and watching the world turn to shit around me as people bicker about the most inane things possible.

I'm gonna stop being lazy and start doing shit to try and fix things because I think that is what young Zakku would of wanted Older Zakku to do. Any who my internet peeps how is life treating you, and what are you doing? If your not feeling like your in the right place maybe take some time to figure out where we all ought to be in the next 10 years?

Much love you dorks

Zakku
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Donnor
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:37 am

I fell off the wagon again and decided my life is easier on drugs, but I still hate it.\. To be honest Im really high right now and have no idea what I am talking about but figured I may as well post something lol

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Toasti Jen
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:32 am

I am not sure I ever imagined what my life would be like at this age. Maybe that is my problem? I had no direction?
I do have a degree. I do have a good and secure job. I do have a cute 2 bedroom apartment (that has spiders, but hey you take the good with the bad) in a rad city. I have a fella who inexplicably seems to think I am awesome even when I give him hard evidence in terms of bitchiness that I may actually not be that awesome. I am very healthy. My family are all healthy. In short, I have nothing to bitch about.
....
Oh, but I do! I am struggling financially right now and it really brings me down. If there is any one thing on the planet that can make me stressed out, it is money. (Health makes me anxious, money=stress). So I guess my life is going good except I am broke. Sadly, I think a LOT of people can sing that same song in this day and age. It blows. It frustrates me, how money can weild that kind of power. I don't think money=happiness but I DO think money=freedom. And no money does indeed = stress (which one would argue is the antonym of happiness, so I guess Money does=happiness).
I am about 95% sure I am going to apply for the Masters in Health Administration program next year. So I am planning on sinking myself further into debt in hopes of commanding more in the long run. And I say I don't gamble! Laughing
......
So that is all. Have any of you seen the Italian film from the 70's, 'A Brief Vacation' (Una Breve Vacanza) directed by Vittorio De Sica? I feel like I want to go where Clara goes, except not for Tuberculosis. I just want a brief vacation in a sanatorium in the Swiss Alps. THAT would make things awesome!
.....

Thanks for asking, Zakku. I think I will print out my response as my "what have I been up to" newsletter for my Christmas card! Razz Seasons Greetings, MoFo's!

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Elois
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:52 pm

Hrmm, spent the better end of yesterday crying until my eyes burn, wondering what bleach tastes like, how effective it is and if adding oatmeal and pancake syrup would help at all.
Then decided to pop in Passion of the Christ because maybe 2 hours of watching Jesus be tortured for me would give me some perspective. But, my sister's typing sounds had me stop and find a quiet area to start working on a winter hat. Went to the computer to talk to my brother from another mother, to find out his gf left him for a meth addiction. Given his own experiences, he helped me out a bit. Then my sis went to bed and I watched the movie.

Then today I decided I would make the effort to go to St. Francis of Assisi, in the city, because they have Eucharistic Adoration, mass and confession all week long. Spent most of the morning staring off into space instead and eventually found myself at Sbarro's, downing a stuffed pizza slice, greek salad and diet coke. Place has a mirror on the wall so I started to feel real good about myself when I was staring at some skinny Asian chick eating her slice.

Then went from stand to stand, looking for a stainless steel or silver chain to put my cross and medals on, since I've had them congealing on a chain I made of yarn. Found a booth that could make me a silver, gold fill chain at $2 an inch. Went to other side of the mall and found another lady selling the same chain at $1.30 an inch. Managed to talk her down to a 32 inch chain at $25.

Then went browsing around the yarn shop and came home, where I think I'll take a nap.
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_Melissa.
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:37 pm

Zakku wrote:
Much love you dorks
*tryna be a nerd 8-]
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Aidan
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:55 pm

Life is tough sometimes ! Embarassed

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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:32 pm

When I was a kid I thought that by 28 I would have a husband, 2.2 kids and a house in suburbia, because that was what all people did right? Well to be fair, I did manage the husband bit at 28, but nothing else lol. Even the husband turned out to be an epic fail. So, a few years on (more than I like to think really) and my life is nothing like how I imagined it would be, but I am glad of that. I am not stuck in a boring job, or any job for that matter, have no ankle biters around and live in a flat in the centre of England's number one crap town (true, it really was named number 1 crap town). I have managed to overcome many obstacles that life has thrown at me, including marital rape and cancer, only to come out the other side a better person. My health is not good and I suffer constant pain, but this only serves to slow me down enough to discover talents I never knew I had. I can honestly say, that few people can say that they have danced with broadway stars in London's west end, sung on TV with a renowned singer and performed more than once in City Hall. I am able to say that I have achieved a few triumphs that would not have been possible without friends, family and a global network of people who are brought close to me by the strange and marvelous internet Very Happy. My life is totally unconventional, but I love it, I love that I have freedom to write, draw and make clothes for myself and my family. I truly believe that overcoming hardship is what has defined me as a person and has also made me a better human being. Would I change this for my childhood dream? Never! Am I what I expected to be? No, and I am all the better for it.

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Stalvan
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:44 am

Life is grand =)

Where did I think I'd be today? I have no idea really. I was a strange child with a grand imagination who wanted to grow up to be Elvis, or a hockey player, or Louis Mountbatten, or maybe a soap opera star. Well, I'm not any of those things, but I'm not quite over the hill yet either (I'm 28). I had trouble in junior high and high school proper -- socially inept, and bored of my classes because they were too easy. I'd often end up with poor grades because I didn't bother with trifling things like homework. I learned a little later in life that I have what's called Asperger's Syndrome -- that is, I'm on the high-functioning end of the autistic spectrum -- and I wouldn't change the person I've become, though it does make it easier when you understand what you're dealing with.

I've been married for six and a half years now, through ups and a very drastic down, but things are on solid footing these days and I'm generally a happy, optimistic person. A few years back that wasn't the case, I was going through a very rough spot and even had problems dealing with people in games like this - but I took a step back from it all and though it lost me a handful of well-developed characters, it was absolutely the right thing to do... (it's not a secret: I was Mistah_q, Xyphratl, and Takeda_shingen, respectively) but really the online stuff was the least of my issues. I kind of shifted philosophy and realized that all it took was deciding to be happy, and I also became rather well-acquainted with the phrase "Gam zeh ya'avor", that is, "This too shall pass"... something to remember both when things are good and when they're not. A bit of temperance, so to speak.

And just a few months ago I moved to yet another state, bringing my life total up to 8. The sort of "usual course" never did apply to me I guess. I went to college for two years back when, but then my fiancee (now my wife) graduated and I've been moving around the country for her graduate and postgraduate education. She received her Ph.D. in June, and next year it's finally my turn to get back to school... which works out, because it took me this long to discover a real passion.

I've had trouble with my physical shape for most of my life, and though I managed to claw myself into rather decent shape in college, once I got married all bets were off again. I was never particularly lazy or gluttonous, but at times it seemed I could just look at a cookie and gain weight. It was frustrating, and I'd even had suicidal thoughts now and then, but just shy of four years ago I decided to go all in on a low-carb diet. No carbs, I switched to diet pop, and even though I didn't get a lot of exercise the weight melted off like butter... but something wasn't right. Everyone told me I was going to give myself a heart attack on that diet (not so! but little did I know back then..), that it wasn't good for me, and you know I was starting to have chest pains and generally feel pretty lousy. Then my life went into an emotional tumult and I fell off the diet altogether - but it turned out the chest pains were from the excesses of caffeine I was imbibing.

And that's where discovering my passion comes into play. I had a lot of time to myself in the following years and was genuinely concerned for my health - one side of the family is full of bloodsugar problems and the other side is full of cardiovscular problems - it seemed like I'd be lucky to live to 60! Plus my own physical condition continued to baffle me... over a couple years I gained back half the weight I had lost before. So that's when it hit me: hormones and endocrinology. I started learning all I could about the human digestive and endocrine systems from a scientific standpoint, and last year I gave up drinking anything besides water or unsweetened tea... besides the occasional treat of course. I was addicted to caffeine and aspartame and the withdrawals were horrendous, and had me in migraines for a solid week. Aspartame is why I had been feeling lousy! It junks up your liver and might have no calories but prevents you from digesting properly other things... and it's just a nasty chemical in the first place. And to think how much of it I had drunk over the years... frightening.

This year once the stress of moving to a new state was over with, I went full in on low-carb again, but this time I knew what I was doing. I eat red meat, fat, bacon, eggs, lard, basically whatever I want if it's an animal or a green non-starchy vegetable. Last time I tried this, I didn't know what I was doing. Diet pop was a mistake. Low-fat was a mistake. Soy products (poison!) were a mistake. I understand the endocrinology and chemistry of it all now, and let me tell you, I'm in the best shape of my life, my mood is up, my energy is up, my cholesterol is WAY DOWN... and I just feel good. And this has become my passion in life... nutrition and endocrinology... and now my course is set. I'm going to get my degrees in human nutritional sciences and then pursue an M.D. in endocrinology, and do everything I can to overturn misguided conventions, to fight against mistreatments, prejudices, and misunderstandings about people with weight, health, or social issues, and to help people live properly nutritionally healthy lifestyles.

Whoa, that was longer than I ever thought it would be... but yes, I'm doing rather quite well, and happy with my direction in life Very Happy Sometimes you have to go through trials and what seem like misfortune, to discover a true calling... and I've found mine. And that's something that nobody can ever take away from me: purpose.
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Bellz
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Thu Oct 06, 2011 3:35 am

I can't really say if I am where I wanted to be when I was growing up...it's a bit yes and no.

I knew even growing up that I wanted to be a mom, tho it was six I wanted, not the three I do have, and I was bound and determined I would have twins, since my gran was one of 3 sets in her family....still a bit disappointed on that one Razz (after having 3...I'm very glad it wasn't 6... what the HELL was I thinking!)

I wanted to be a doctor. I took all the courses in school to make sure I could go into premed, was an honor student, hell I even loved he whole dissection thing in biology because it gave me a chance to practice with a scalpel. Then in gr 12 I realized that 12 years of school would mean kids later in life... and I didn't want that, so you can guess what I picked

As for the marriage, well about this time 20 years ago, while at boarding school, I looked up into the mezzanine while my dad was visiting, saw this cute boy with a smile that made my brain go numb, and told my dad I was going to marry him. He laughed, knowing full well I had a different boyfriend almost every month....boy did I prove him wrong.

So my life now.... well, I decided last year right around October that I needed to start focusing on me. Most of you who really know me, know I have a very bad habit of worrying and caring about other people. Sometimes to my own detriment, when you are raised to look for the good in people and always be there to help no matter what you tend to get taken advantage of for your kindness and compassion. So learning that it is alright to say no, that I can't help everyone, and yes that there are some people out there who have no moral structure to care that they are hurting you for their own benefit has taken some time to process in my head. I am sure there will always be someone or something that will pull me back into helping people but I do hope that I am finally strong enough to say no when I need to. I just have to work on the feeling guilty part now.(but honestly, I can live with that, suppose it shows I am a caring person)

With getting my head on straight, I also took on a few other tasks too. I joined a gym. And while I'm nowhere near the goal I wanted to be, I realized a bit slower means I'm building habits not just a quick fix. I was never overweight in school, but out of school, no sports, and then kids led to a look that I have hated. Pretty face, but the rest of me? *shudders* I think so far I have lost just over 30lbs in a year. My arms rock.. I have that very awesome curve on my shoulder, my triceps are getting cut and damn they are nice to look at. I can press 220lb with my legs, inner and outer thigh machines are at 215, and I can almost do the splits . I have to say I am pretty damn proud of what I've done in that department.

Ive discovered that I'm hot...or at least I keep getting told that. So either a good portion of the population is blind, in need of glasses, or really good at lies.... I think it's safe to say I got better with age. (take that you stupid boys who always picked my blond best friend first!) It's a rather nice oddity to have no one believe you are as old as you are, I can only hope it stays for a while.

I got a job too this year. I am still coming to terms with it, and while I love it and have a blast... my hatred of stupid people is coming to light. That and damnit who forgot to teach these out of high school twits the meaning of work ethic? I know very well I never went to work and started talking about the swinger party I was out till 5 am at with a like 33 yo guy hitting on me the whole time....(ya that girl was some sort of special)

I would have thought the house would be finished by now...11 years and it's been renovated almost as many times...think it's about doubled in size from the original..and hopefully by te end of this year all 3 kids will have their own rooms.

Is it what I expected? Hell no. Life for everyone tends to suck. Trust me, everyone has a story they could tell about why their life is shit and why they are intent on keeping it that way. I could tell you things from my life that would have you likely going a bit white....and maybe it is due to all that crap that I can sit here and say that while it isn't what I expected or wanted in life, I'm happy. Everyone has a choice on how they let things affect them. They either take it as a stepping stone and move on, or they tie it around their neck and moan about the weight. I've seen and lived with far too many who do the last...I refuse to be one of them. That's that self assured girl who knew she could do anything coming thru... and if she could do it with what happened in her life... how the hell could I not do the same now.

So while yep, not what I expected, not what I dreamed, and well even crappy sometimes... It is my life, and I know it will only get better. I won't have it any other way.

There ya go words from the "old & sometimes wise" one (and ya I am one of the old ones around here)
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_Melissa.
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Thu Oct 06, 2011 4:39 pm

...


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Elois
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:30 pm

One of the few comforts of life. Knowing that the exfriends that jumped you look like this now:
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Devin
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Fri Oct 07, 2011 7:18 pm

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Sun Oct 09, 2011 10:03 am

Elois, that's one of the random kindnesses life bestows... Seeing pictures on facebook, etc, of people that you used to know and who treated you badly.

My life hasn't turned out at all the way I thought it would. After all, by now I should be an astronaut cake decorator who won a Nobel Prize for literature. Laughing I never thought I'd get pregnant in high school, never dreamed that would lead to an extremely bad seven-year marriage, nor that I'd delay higher education.

I think it all depends on how you look at things. I could (and have done, during maudlin moods that creep up on me from time to time) view my life as an utter failure. Divorced mom of three, with an unfinished degree and working in a dead-end job? That's hardly anyone's definition of successful.

But then I think about when I fled my marriage. I had no job history (my husband wouldn't let me work outside the home), only a high school diploma, and only as much clothing and bedding as would fit in the trunk of my mother's car. My children were 6, 4, and 2 at the time. Emotionally, I was broken. Simple things, like getting copies of the kids' documents (birth certs, shot records, etc) seemed like almost insurmountable problems. Physically, I was in bad shape. My nerves were shot and I weighed almost 20 pounds less than I do now (and at my current weight and 5'8" tall, I'm thin), and I had some other health problems as well stemming from my marriage.

It's taken me years, but to go from basically homeless and prospect-less to having a place to live (not where I want to be, but it's a roof), furniture that I picked out and paid for, and a car that's paid for and insured is pretty good, I think. Sure, it's what any other person would have done, but you have to understand that in 2003, I thought it would be impossible. I have a job where I've topped out, promotion-wise; I can't go any further. But I was promoted to it. And it's enough to pay the bills, if I'm very careful. My kids are succeeding in school and active in band, and if my daughters get most of their trendy clothes from Plato's Closet, at least they have things in the styles they prefer. Child support has always been more miss than hit, but I can look at it as a bonus if I get it, and not a crisis if I don't.

So I may not be an astronaut, but I think I've done pretty well with what I've had to work with. If I sat back and bemoaned my choices and the roadblocks life has thrown at me, I'd just sit there crying about it. I'd rather do something about it. And so that's what I've done, and while my life isn't what I'd thought it'd be, I think it's pretty good.
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_Melissa.
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Tue Oct 11, 2011 5:16 pm

Topics making me sad Crying or Very sad Hope this helps, be happy Smile http://members.tripod.com/mi_ruka0/id22.html http://members.tripod.com/mi_ruka0/id19.html
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Tue Oct 11, 2011 7:11 pm

Why would people saying that even if they weren't what they thought they were be but we happy with life make you sad? I think it's amazing to hear that they are happy regardless of what they have been thru

So far all of them on here are about people who are actually living and not going "OMG I'm not what I wanted to be when I was 5, my life sucks"

This actually shows that people have the ability to be happy and content in life even when it doesn't fall into the preconceived notion of what the perfect life is.
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Wed Oct 12, 2011 10:46 pm

I wanted to be a professional baseball player when I was 5... just thought I'd throw that out there.
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Thu Oct 13, 2011 12:16 am

I wanted to be an international arms trader when I was 5, damn was I fucked up little kid Razz
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Thu Oct 13, 2011 12:22 am

My life goal is changing pretty often, 17 now and want to be an urban planner.
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Thu Oct 13, 2011 7:25 pm

When I was younger, so when I started thinking about actual possible jobs, I wanted to take over Ireland's largest bank (AIB) and re-name it to "Aidan's Irish Bank" but since then its varied from that to "Aidan's Institue of Banking" and now to "Aidan's International Bank" Razz

But really, the whole time money has been my motive, I feel like im the definition of capitalism Razz Unfortunitely, when I think about a career in a serious sense I come to terms with the fact that money can't be the only motive which I thought could be true for so long. Looking forward to doing what I love, ill be in college in less then three years so. Ill get back to this thread then Very Happy Very Happy

~16yo Aidan.

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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Fri Oct 14, 2011 4:55 pm

Bella_catorina wrote:
Why would people saying that even if they weren't what they thought they were be but we happy with life make you sad? I think it's amazing to hear that they are happy regardless of what they have been thru

So far all of them on here are about people who are actually living and not going "OMG I'm not what I wanted to be when I was 5, my life sucks"

This actually shows that people have the ability to be happy and content in life even when it doesn't fall into the preconceived notion of what the perfect life is.
Sounds good when put like that Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:12 am

...


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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:02 pm

Ha.. I guess it could be worse Razz

I have severe problems falling asleep. I'm tired, and I want to sleep but can't until 5-6am. I went to the doc and got zopiclone and temazepam on two occasions, none of them work at all. I've tried zolpidem in the past but the effects was way too random and creepy. Sometimes it helped, and sometimes it didn't. It didn't depend on the dose. When it helped, I'd fall asleep BAM, lights on, book in lap. I was there yesterday and got told that since the sleeping pills don't work it must be a problem with my 'sleep hygiene'. That I need to exercise and shit...

I'm suffering from a depression I started to take medication for at the beginning of 2011. I'm 21 years btw. I had hold out for a very, very long time. It was only when the world crumbled I went to the doc to get help. First I got sertralin (same as zoloft) which made me experience some horrible shit and near suicide attempt (does hugging a knife count?) and weird thoughts. I was completely out of contact with the world and myself. My mom had to phone the health care centre and say that look, this is not working. The woman at the reception tried the "oh but it might be taking some time until depression meds work well, you might experience a down period first" - like she didn't want to give me an appointment. My mom however is no lesser being and went into tank mode - that's when she runs over any one else and they almost crap their pants. You're supposed to let the doc know immediatly if your condition worsen and especially if you have suicidal thoughts. I get an oppointment first thing in the morning, and the doc apologized for not having time the day before. Lulz. Ever since, I'm taking Venlafaxine. I had to start at a pretty high dose and went to as high as 300mg. Got some weird side effects like tremors - hands shaking sometimes. It went away when I lowered the dose.

At the end of May, I moved to UK to live with Edwin. That's a big step in my life. I view it as the thing that saved me. I really felt that I couldn't continue to live in Sweden. I felt like a complete failure at that time. I was studying social work at the university, 2,5 years out of 3,5. I had failed quite many courses at the time. I had complete breakdowns when writing papers and essays. I couldn't form sentences any more, I had to ask my mom for a lot of help. I lived at home with my older brother and 2 younger ones, and mom. Writing has always been one of my strong sides, something I'm good at and can do quite effortlessly when I get started. I'm not sure how long I have felt 'bad' or unwell for. I suspect I have a coping mechanism in which my mind works at not remembering bad or upsetting stuff. I know I had a quite bad period when I was 13-15. Things weren't good in the family, I also always felt like an outsider at school for not having the same interests and such as everyone else. I was a loner. I realized quite soon in life that's it better to be a loner than have fake friends backstabbing you.

I was unable to continue with my studies, I went on a sick leave and got paid some monies. However when the summer would start, I would not be eligble for that money as I was still technically a student and students don't get money over summer. I would've needed to go to the social welfare and would've got a minimum sum just enough to pay my share at home for bills. I moved to UK when I got my last monies from the student sick thing. I spent the first 3 months trying to get better and get accustomed to everything new, I felt good enough to go down to 150mg of Venlafaxine. My mind felt better, more creative. I started to look for work and one of the first places I applied at was McDonlads. They replied so quickly I didn't really look elsewhere. Thing is, both me and Edwin were stupid enough to not check the travel route. It was a town close enough so we thought it had good transport. Nu uh. Buses stopped at like 5pm and to go by train you had to take 2 trains with a change. That's 2 hours of travelling. Shitty, but I was determined to do my best as we needed monies. I got a bad impression from the first day. I went there and introduced myself as the new girl, and they gave me this odd look and said I was supposed to start tomorrow at 12pm. I give them an odd look back and say that the manager told me I would start today at 2pm. ok, they got someone to go me through the drinks where I was mostly during my time there. But shit, how can you get something like that SOOO wrong? I also told the manager I can't work on Sundays and at specific times YET I kept being scheduled at those times. People there have to follow certain ways to do the food, like flurring the McFlurries and such. Most didn't. I'll be making sure I always check the food I get from McDonalds.

Anyway, the travelling of 4 hours per day started to get at me, I did good at the working place. They started to loosen up around me, joke and such. I did my cokes and coffees well =p. But then one day a thought sneaked up on me. If I take a few steps out on the railway, everything would be over, the tiredness, the money worries. Wait what. No? Sorry mind, but I kinda don't want to kill myself. After that I stayed as far away from the tracks as I could but the thoughts still sneaked up on me. I couldn't take it anymore. I was afraid I'd walk out on the track without being able to stop myself. The sensation was so strong and it was exhausting to battle it. Being me, I only told Edwin after it had went that far. I'm like the only one who doesn't take my suicidal thoughts with panic, I don't know why but I suspect its because they've been normalized for me as I've had them for so long. I say I've had them for a long time, but it was at the later half of 2010 they started to get worse. I don't want to kill myself. I want to get better, get work somewhere, an education and a good life. My mind however still sends out these thoughts. It is a struggle, a constant battle for my own survival. They can come very randomly too. At my home in Sweden, I was wary of the balcony. I sometimes got an image in my head, so strong and visual, of me climbing over the balcony rail and dropping down. When that happened I wasn't sure what I was doing, it felt like my feet could do that by themselves without me being able to control it. Helping my mom in the kitchen became hard because of knives. I got these images in my head, with blood all over the kitchen wall. It was only when I went to see the doc that I told my mom about my suicidal thoughts. She knew I had felt down, but not that it was that bad. I had been good at playing this game of acting normalish. But I think, if I had seeked help much earlier things wouldn't have gotten that far. Its always easy to be smart afterwards.

My mom has been a lot of help. She's been through some depression herself. She has fibromyalgia which is chronic pain with her muscles swelling. Her first depression was when she was diagnosed with it, maybe I was 10-12 then. She couldn't live as she had. Just doing the dishes and laundry and usual household stuff made her hands swell. She had to have her wedding ring cut of her finger because she couldn't remove it anymore. On top of that, she had whiplash related severe headache which later turned into severe migraine with. She's constantly on painkillers. In one week, she's lucky if half of the days are good days. Its been years since but she's learned to cope with it now. So yeah, she takes Venlafaxin to cope with her pain. Even if we take it for different reasons, we can talk about it and see many similarities. She's been through shit and it helps that she can reassure me and keep me from worrying less. Cause I am bloody worried. I want to be better. After the sneak attack suicidal thoughts at the train station, I started to get them elsewhere too- walking outside to the food store and randomly thinking how it would feel like being hit by a car. So I went to the doc to get help. I changed to Venlafaxine slow release 225mg, slow release is MUCH better. I don't have the random mood swings during a day (feeling good one moment and really shit later) and my evening headaches disappeared.

At the moment I'm fine, doing OK except for the sleep crap. I'll probably write some more as now when I started its hard to stop. Maybe I need to write to cope with it. The doc visit yesterday put me down quite a bit and I felt he wasn't really listening to me and my conditions.


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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Sat Nov 05, 2011 7:56 pm

Glad you're better Tel and hope all is well, it is good that you told your mother and have Edwin to talk to about things Smile.

*Deleted lots* too long and sounded bit sad...
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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Mon Nov 14, 2011 6:16 pm

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PostSubject: Re: How's life treating ya?   Tue Nov 15, 2011 2:26 pm

Telcara wrote:
Ha.. I guess it could be worse Razz

I have severe problems falling asleep. I'm tired, and I want to sleep but can't until 5-6am. I went to the doc and got zopiclone and temazepam on two occasions, none of them work at all. I've tried zolpidem in the past but the effects was way too random and creepy. Sometimes it helped, and sometimes it didn't. It didn't depend on the dose. When it helped, I'd fall asleep BAM, lights on, book in lap. I was there yesterday and got told that since the sleeping pills don't work it must be a problem with my 'sleep hygiene'. That I need to exercise and shit...

I'm suffering from a depression I started to take medication for at the beginning of 2011. I'm 21 years btw. I had hold out for a very, very long time. It was only when the world crumbled I went to the doc to get help. First I got sertralin (same as zoloft) which made me experience some horrible shit and near suicide attempt (does hugging a knife count?) and weird thoughts. I was completely out of contact with the world and myself. My mom had to phone the health care centre and say that look, this is not working. The woman at the reception tried the "oh but it might be taking some time until depression meds work well, you might experience a down period first" - like she didn't want to give me an appointment. My mom however is no lesser being and went into tank mode - that's when she runs over any one else and they almost crap their pants. You're supposed to let the doc know immediatly if your condition worsen and especially if you have suicidal thoughts. I get an oppointment first thing in the morning, and the doc apologized for not having time the day before. Lulz. Ever since, I'm taking Venlafaxine. I had to start at a pretty high dose and went to as high as 300mg. Got some weird side effects like tremors - hands shaking sometimes. It went away when I lowered the dose.



I used to have terrible insomnia when I was 19 or so, I would be up for days " literally" it usually lasted between 2-3 days and then I would get back into a regular sleep pattern. At that time I was losing a lot of weight and working out for at least 2-3 hours a day EVERYDAY. My diet was absolutely terrible as well and I was doing my fair share of binge drinking and what not. What really helped me was a few things, one being I changed my diet and pretty much stopped eating any white sugar and severely limiting my intake of white flour and other types of sugar as well. My trick for the insomnia would be to exhaust myself into a good sleep pattern. I would stay up an entire day then without any stimulants of any kind if I could help it, then set my alarm for something really early in the morning and go to bed. Wake up early the next day and make sure to poke around outside in the sunlight then rinse and repeat the day after.

I also deal with depression and one thing I've found is that when I start feeling crappy it usually means I'm hungry. Not saying that any of this would work for you Tel but if you havent tried it before its worth giving it a shot right? I've got all sorts of hippie dippie info on natural way to deal with depression in conjuction of anti depressants and without and most of them work well for me and Magelet. If you ever wanted to get any info on them just let me know.
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